My Conundrum

I had a feeling one of my 2 jobs was going to fizzel out after my small bout with the flu. My

feelings are usually spot on.

I have been wanting time off...but i want money more. Stephen (my husband) needs me to work. ...for money.

I know I have nothing to do this entire week. I have been wanting to get back in shape. So Brazilian Butt Lift: here I come!

I have a sense of anxiety when money becomes tight...more than that I have a sense of anxiety when seemingly unfavoralbe change strikes.

I keep having this little thought in my head, "this can free you up to move!" Yes, little thought, it can. But...

BUT.

Never mind the "but" just remember if God can create billions of stars and our galaxy and he tells me in His Word that I'm blessed then, by golly, I'm blessed! I've been confident this entire trip with Stephen (we have been searching for a job for him), "remember who is in control stephen," "you can't mess this up," "God loves you." Now suddenly I'm the one thrown into limbo here

and "HEY! wait, this seems too uncertain." It doesn't help that I'm stuck here at 4pm by myself until after 9pm with all these thoughts.

I do hate working. I did like my freedom at my job and enjoyed the few opportunities of creativity. But I hate working for someone else. I typically find ways of improving the business and I am irritated that I am trapped unable to expand or create or improve.

What I suddenly ask myself if i have no work what do i do? What is there do occupy my time and mind?

With a job someone is always giving me a list of things to accomplish. I thrive on the check i can place on a list. I love the feeling of value and significance i get when I finish something. "Ta-da" is probably one of my most commonly used phrases.

As much as I desire to "nest" and be a homemaker i fear being idle. I don't know if I have enough "get up and go" to move and accomplish in the day. I tend to sit down and go "nah, I'll do that later." If something isn't pressing or no one is keeping me accountable I tend to no do it. I hate that. I feel lazy. Stagnant. My employers would say I am hard working and I try to find ways to go above and beyond. At home, however, I do not go "above and beyond."

I lack motivation. Maybe this will be good for me to teach myself to get it together! I can use this time to seek God in it. Because only He knows what my problem is. (haha)

Ok, here it is: routine and accountability. I need routine. I love to be busy...running from activity to activity.

I'll come up with a routine. Anyone out there have any advise? Please?

My Status

I am a mid-twenties, Caucasian, female. I am newly married, newly out of college and feeling the financial strain.

The talk of our country's debt, our economy and the state that each household in America is suffering in is on the lips of people everywhere. When I watch the news, listen to the radio, pull up to the pump, watch our president one thought springs to my mind: America is in trouble.

My husband and I share a home with my 85 year old grandmother, I work for 2 small business owners, my father works for a government run facility and my husband faithfully works for the large company of Target. I see a variety of people and hear from a variety of business and I see the suffering in all of them.

President Obama: I'm watching.

Fellow Citizens: How low do we need to get before we start researching and listening to what really is happening in our country? What is beautiful about America is our status as voters...the pull we have. Let's stop complaining and educate ourselves so we can know what to do to change our situation.

Occupy Wall Street: I hear a lot. I see a lot. So what. What is your plan?